the first time i sang in public...🎤

...in 2024.

Jun 14, 2025

Good morning. I hope you had a good night's rest and are fortunate enough to have a stress-free weekend. Me? Not so much. By the time this issue gets published, I'll be busy swotting hard for my afternoon paper. I honestly cannot wait for this semester to be over—I know I say this every time, but… nevermind🤧

Anyway, the first time I sang in public in 2024 was a chrysalis moment for me. The performance is still very special to me, and I think back on it from time to time. It was one of the best performances I'd ever done in a very long time, prior to that moment.

Ever since I stopped singing in the choir in 2019 and altogether quit doing music, and by that, I mean making covers and originals and posting them on social media, it became difficult for me to perform live. This wasn't the only consequence of that decision; I'd lose my voice and range, become riddled with anxiety, lose my sense of purpose, and battle with imposter syndrome. I struggled with stage fright, which also affected my singing whenever I was in an environment that required me to sing.

Fast forward to 2022, I found Substack and began writing and podcasting collectively. I overcame imposter syndrome and found joy in it. I eventually decided to stop putting out covers and put my ever-curious musical mind in a box.

If you know me well, you'd know music is something I love dearly, I dare say, more than anything. But making that decision was important because I'd begin a journey that would influence the kind of music I wanted to get familiar with, one that would contribute immensely to my sense of self and identity.

A couple of months later, one random evening, I received a message from one of my seniors who had just graduated from my uni asking me to perform at an event. At first, I was confused, didn't know how to respond, and was about to say I wouldn't be able to do it because "I'm still not doing music. I haven't performed in a long time. The caliber of persons that'll be at the event were people at UBTH; some of them were scientists I saw during clinical posting". And the one I thought was the most important point: "I had a very bad cough and catarrh that made me sound like a growling creature". It's funny the amount of excuses our brain can cook up when we don't know our worth and feel insecure about the things that inherently make us special.

Just as I was about to turn down the opportunity, I paused. And He said, "It's okay".

"What song am I going to sing in that kind of crowd that I will be able to sing with this voice?" I asked Him.

"You'll figure it out. I'll help you", His still small voice echoed.

I accepted the opportunity.

While juggling clinical posting, night calls, and lectures, I was hoping my voice would get better before performance day, and I tried figuring out what song I could perform. Just when I thought I had finally found the right one, He showed me one that was surprisingly in my comfort zone and by an artiste I'm quite familiar with.

I scheduled time on my digital calendar to watch performance videos of the song, and then I spent days scoring and rehearsing it.

However, there still was a problem. Anxiety and my voice. The song was simple and well-suited to my vocal texture, but this issue could have a psychological impact on me, rendering all efforts futile.

I sought a famous local remedy to salvage the cough and hoped it would end before performance day. It didn't. But it got better.

The night before performance day, I surfed YouTube watching, analysing and scoring the artiste's performance videos and even live performances of a few other artists. I also searched for videos about preparing for a live performance. I was determined to have a stellar comeback after being out for so long!

I saw one video where the speaker talked about breathing exercises, mental attitude, and a lot more things I wasn't quite familiar with and I got to realise that I used to do things that were contributing negatively to my performance. One more thing they said that I wasn't too sure I was going to do was "Make a video. Get someone to film you as you perform".

Ha!

I never film my performances. But if you're a singer or musician, you actually should. Not necessarily for social media, but for studying yourself, noticing and analysing your performance, and working out the kinks for future performances.

I applied everything I had learned the previous night and performed the next day. I was so proud of myself after the performance. I could tell the crowd was interested in what I was singing. I was able to command their attention with my voice, although I should've done more to goad their participation.

Three days later, I decided to overcome my fear of watching myself do things I'm passionate about and watched the video. Whilst I noticed some things I had to work on, I was generally proud that there was no fear in my voice and I expressed soul as I performed. I could feel the song. Really feel it.

Now, I'm back in the choir. Found a place that helps me express myself in worship to God plus learn new things about music on the go. I've found meaning in music again, and I couldn't have wanted it any other way!

I hope this clarifies things for you and helps you solve whatever it is you have been pondering. I beg you to honestly share how this issue made you feel🙏🏾

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