This past week has been wonderful I must say. I'm not talking about “English or Spanish” — we already told you about the outcome weeks ago. Seeing these lawyers again and working has been somewhat cathartic. Yes. I'm back at my aunt's after spending some time at my mum and dad's. The shutdown has been a blessing in disguise for me. I don't know what the people saying we should go beg the VC to call it off are talking about. It all better be for cruise🙄
I am feeling very much ecstatic and the break has given me time to align my focus, work at creating better content, and perfecting my craft (as well as actually read my books 😅). There seems to be enough time in the world now to do a lot of things I couldn't whilst in school, and I'm so glad to see my friends and colleagues who are creatives/content creators make so much good use of this time.
You had better not be spending all day buying data for endless scrolling. Na you sabi.
the gist.
This issue was inspired by Atlas Shepherd from Netflix's Atlas. Her lack of trust for people is something I resonate with so well and after two different experiences I had, I started to ponder on why I had trust issues, especially with friendships.
Clinical posting began in May for 300 level Medical Lab Science students. My coursemates and I arrived at the University of Benin Teaching Hospital that fateful Monday morning all ecstatic that we were beginning something we've all been looking forward to since 100 level. Like neonates, we were oblivious to the imminent stress we were about to face and the adjustments we'd have to make when reality eventually slapped us in the face.
After the orientation by the Posting heads and everyone was made aware of their groups and respective labs for the next two months, we all dispersed to our labs for that day looking forward to what was in store for us; to experience our possible futures after finishing from this school.
Posting days were on Mondays and Tuesdays and we were expected to go to a lab for two days, every week. My group was assigned to the Consultant and Out Patients Department Lab which serves as a sample collection centre.
On my second day, as closing time approached, everyone started socialising with our colleagues from another school who were also in the lab with us. I sat down in the reception area, observing everyone. That's when I noticed Lydia and Oghomwen speaking with my classmate and their behaviour changed when they saw me looking at them; as if they had been caught talking about me. I asked if they were, and they confirmed that they were.
Seconds later, Lydia asks me “Why are you shy?”
I was perplexed. “Shy? I'm not shy” I said looking confused. All my life, I thought I was extroverted enough but still introverted not to be called shy.
“James, am I shy?” I asked my classmate who was there with them.
“Osakpọlọ is not shy, I think he's rather reserved.”
“Yes... that's it. That's the word”, we all said in agreement.
Lydia asked why and I began to explain that I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself, especially amidst new people who didn't understand me to avoid rude questions and jibes because of my mannerisms.
Moments earlier, whilst Lydia was helping my classmates and I take a group photo, she blatantly said “You stay well. Why you dey do like woman? Are you gay?” I was quite taken aback because there I was laughing and having small talk with my classmates whilst trying to figure out how to pose when I heard what I've dreaded most in my life. In public. In front of many people. I was so sure I hadn't done anything to give off that vibe.
I kept my cool and acted like I wasn't hurt, after all, it was something I was quite used to.
I responded with my hands in my lab coat pockets, “I'm not gay”.
“Okay, you're bi”.
Hoor. The gall and gumption of this girl! I liked it but at that moment, it would have been better if the ground had opened and swallowed me up.
“No” I replied.
“Let's take the picture na”, my classmates were getting agitated and I went back to take the pictures.
I reminded Lydia of that ordeal and explained that that's what I try to avoid when I'm in the midst of people I don't really know. She felt very sorry and apologised but the deed had already been done. She further went on to say that I shouldn't let the perception or assumptions of people prevent me from being true to myself. That I should trust myself and love myself.
“Boys and men worldwide suffer when they attempt to step out of the small box that outlines who we can be. We’re taught that we can only be aggressive, loud, physical, all-knowing, and tough. We are not allowed to have feelings and show love, nor do we deserve them, and any expression of feminine energy is not only a threat to the world but the person sharing it.”
- Stanley Fritz
I thought I did trust and loved myself but Lydia was right. It takes me about a week of observing and scrutinising before I begin to open up and show myself to strangers, most times I keep it to a minimum. She made a valid point of how we may never see each other again and I almost let my previous experiences prevent me from socialising with new people.
Life happens in moments.
Be authentic in those moments.
I left the lab that day and promised myself that I was going to try to be true to myself, irrespective of what people might think.
The second experience was with a friend of my roommate who wanted to move into our room because he wasn't able to get hostel space. He'd always come to the room, have conversations, as me for stuff, but I had this habit of being irritable towards him, sometimes I try to make it not obvious and mix it with being funny or playful. Other times, I'm very blunt (and rude). I just felt he was trying to get acquainted too fast and I didn't want to hear rubbish questions again. Besides, I have a hard time trusting people, especially those who I choose to call friends.
One evening, he came to ask if he could iron clothes while I was ironing and I responded with a No that I convinced myself was to be a joke but I'm not so sure it was. I had given him my usual ripostes and cold shoulders earlier that day.
“Oga relax, you too like quarrel pass fight.”
“I was joking e” I said while forcing a laugh trying to mask my true intention but he saw right through the facade.
“Why don't you trust people?” He asked.
It was as if a big bell had been rung on my head! I was still trying to find the words to respond to the question when he said, “We'll have this conversation later, but for now, allow me to iron”.
We haven't had that conversation but for the next couple of weeks, I was to watch Atlas, a movie about a woman with an ardent distrust for AI (and people) and then begin thinking and trying to connect the dots as to why I didn't like people.
Why was I like this towards people? Why so many walls? To avoid questions? Or maybe it's as a result of my mum's constant iteration of not trusting friends since I was a kid, or the bad and very traumatic relationship I had with my dad as a teenager, or the fact that people I thought were my friends still end up messing up and taking me for granted?
Like Atlas came to realise, I got my answer or rather a solution. People disappoint, true. However, that shouldn't stop you from living your most authentic self and making new relationships. This brings to mind that one time I thought I was gay, a substack issue I read a few days ago I think everyone (young men) should read. My comment on the issue too might help you understand better.
I'll forever be thankful to my family for not making me feel that I'm weird. Imagine the shock I got when someone first asked me this set of really annoying questions because for as long as I could remember, I behaved like me. Having a supportive group is very key in relationships and community building and it fosters trust. People that will call you out on your bullshit and also uplift your spirits. People who will remind you of all that makes you the best person in the world in days you don't feel you are. Rare people that understand you without even having to speak. People who when you push them away, when you're not okay, too hard on yourself, and are far off in your feelings, will bring you home. People who will love you when you don't.
I'm not sure I've found them yet, but that's a community of people I'm trying to create here with Answers For Gen Z. People who understand one another, whose similar experiences connect them and who proffer alternative solutions to their quandaries.
You made it here?! Please share your thoughts or your experience.
music.
podcast episodes you should listen to.
listen to the premiere episode of The 20s Lifestyle as Ciara interviews Precious, a student entrepreneur in her early 20s. They discuss the perks and challenges of owning a brand as a uni student.
Isaac (Medici) and Dami Aros are back again. This time to tell us about their traumatic experiences growing up in an African household. They also read the comments of their listeners on this same topic. As usual, they make it fun and relatable. You should listen.
movies.
News
BARBIE IS PREGNANT!
Margot Robbie is expecting a baby with her husband, Tom Ackerley.🎉
ABBOTT ELEMENTARY Season 4 premieres on October 9 on ABC.
We're getting two seasons in one year. Real TV is back!
Recommendation
Watched this on Saturday night with my aunt and her husband and I must say we all ought to have carried this on our heads the way we are doing Supacell. This film is worth its 8.4 IMDb rating if not more. It stayed consistently great with its plot, writing, direction, set design and portrayal of the iconic Lioness of Egba land and the events that unfolded in her life. I need Nollywood to devote to making more movies like these about colonial times, fallen heroes, and old Nigeria. They always deliver when they do, at least the ones I've watched; October 1 and that one with Rita Dominic and Ramsey Nouah as leads.
This show may be fictionalised, but it is based on true events that happened in the life of the creator, Richard Gadd. The comedian plays a version of himself named Donny Dunn and recounts his chilling experience of being stalked by a middle-aged woman named Martha. As the story unfolds, Donny is forced to confront a dark, buried trauma and confront the harsh realities of sexual harassment and rape. With its intense, twisted and menacing plot, this show is a thought-provoking exploration of the human psyche and the power of trauma to shape our lives.
Wow. You are still here! Thank you so much. It was nice sharing my introspective thoughts with you. I'm going to go prepare for work now. It's a new week so make the most of it. Stop dilly-dallying and MAKE. THAT. MOVE!
By the way, Listen to Episode 4 of the podcast. It’s out. Rate the podcast on your listening app and leave reviews.
I'm still looking for volunteers for the brand o. Tell your friends to send their names and WhatsApp numbers to our email if they are Videographers, Gen Z-content article writers, Vox pop hosts, graphic designers, Social media managers and Video editors who care little about money and are looking for a platform to gain experience and share their craft and genius with the world.
I plan to make the most of this shutdown – praying it lasts for a month. Kill me. The goal is to record, edit and draft at least three episodes before they call us to resume. So, if you have topic suggestions or something you need answers to. Let me know in the comments or you could send us an email or message us on WhatsApp.
Enjoy the rest of your week, and see you again on Saturday💙