becoming🛣️

When life hits the pause button

There’s a strange space. A place I’ve found myself lingering in recently—not quite lost, but definitely not found. I’m talking about that confusing middle ground: not certain of your purpose, unsure of your direction, and exhausted from overthinking everything.

I trust God. I do. But sometimes, I wonder, “Is that enough?” We’re told, “Faith without works is dead,” and yet, when I try to plan every step, it starts to feel like I’m gripping the wheel that’s supposed to be in His hands. If I wait, I worry He’s waiting on me. If I act, I worry I’ve gotten ahead of Him.

And I can’t help but wonder if I’m missing something.

Friendships? I've had them. And lost them.

Some broke me, even though I gave everything I had.

Some I left after realizing they were draining or influencing me in all the wrong ways. I chose me and resolved in my heart it was God’s way of protecting me. But I still wonder if it was God or just survival mode?

Career-wise, I’ve pivoted so many times. Five times post-high school.

I’m in a professional program now—neck-deep, but the quiet question lingers: "What if this isn’t ‘it’ either?”

It's hard not to compare. Everyone seems to be moving. Graduating. Working. Getting married. Having kids. And while I'm genuinely happy for them, l'd be lying if I said I don't sometimes ask;

“When is it my turn?”

“When does my own life begin?”

It’s exhausting but God sees you.

You — with the silent battles, the fake smiles, the big heart that keeps breaking and trying anyway.

You — who keeps waiting for life to start while it seems like everyone else is sprinting.

He doesn't need you to figure it all out before He shows up.

I don't have a shiny ending or perfect advice. But I do have one truth:

Some journeys are loud and fast.

Others are quiet, full of pauses and reroutes. But that doesn't make them any less meaningful—or you, any less worthy.

Maybe you're in a season where nothing makes sense. Where you feel suspended in a version of life you didn't plan. Where the people you thought would be there, aren't.

But even here, there is growth. Even here, your story is still unfolding.

And one day—maybe not today or tomorrow—you'll look back and realize that this stretch of uncertainty, this fog, this ache, was all part of your becoming.

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